Written Desires
by KawaiiDemons
Summary: Rogue comes across Gambit's journal while he's out and reads it. What happens when she finds out he still loves her after she's engaged to someone else? ROMY
1. Merde

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own.

Written Desires

Chapter One: Merde

Everyday it started the same. Wake up. Look around. Make sure no skin was showing. Make sure everything was alright. Check. Go take a shower. Double check. Dress for an early session in the Danger Room. Triple check.

Not today.

Today was Saturday, October 31st. It was time for the routine to change. To come to an end. Literally. It would die by my hands. Or else my name would no longer be The Prince of Thieves, the Ragin' Cajun, Gambit, Remy LeBeau.

Today she would be mine.

Today Rogue would be mine.

Despite those damn powers of hers. Despite that damn attitude of hers. Despite that damn fear of hers.

Yes, I know she's scared. She was scared to death. Hell, so would I if I could suck not only the memories but the very life out of the person I loved.

Yes I know she loves me.

Call it my French arrogance or my southern ego, but I'm 100 sure that she loves me. Why else would she resist so much over the years? Besides, every time we have a mission together, she makes sure to watch my back as I do hers.

Then again, there's even more proof. Remember when my resurrected ex-wife Bella Donna tried to force me into marrying her again? Oh yeah, Rogue was down there on the Bayou in a hot flash to save my, 'cheatin swamp rat hide' as she called me. That made me laugh.

I love that she's southern. I love that I'm southern. I love that we're southern. I love her. I'm the Prince of Thieves and I want her as my Princess because that woman has stolen my heart and I don't want it back.

As I said, today was Halloween, which made it a very special day for the both of us. I had so many plans. Today was Rogues birthday and she was turning 25.

How did I know? Mon Dieu, haven't you been listening to me at all? I'm a sexy ass thief. I can get whatever I want from any woman by simply speaking.

Oh yeah, that's another thing I gave up in favor of my Rogue. My sex life. Last year at a major gathering, I swore off sex in front of Rogue, Wolverine, Storm, Jean and Mr. Stick up his ass. Oops, I mean Scott. Don't read that part. Pardon this Cajun, s'il vous plait. Now, why did I do it you ask?

See what had happened was that it was the day of Ororo and Logan's wedding. Yeah, that's an odd pairing, but it works nonetheless. She keeps his animal caged and he brings her animal out. It's weird to say the least.

Anyway, I was the best man and Rogue was the maid of honor. Mon Dieu, she looked magnifique in that dress. I want her to wear the bride's dress for me though. There I go again. Back to the topic Remy.

So every past, present and future X Man was there to help us celebrate. Some of the guests weren't even members, yet they respected us as superheroes, thus showing up. Such guest as Wonder Woman and Hawk Woman, who both asked me to dance, but I turned them down in favor of Rogue. That's right; she and I danced all night long.

When the time came for the bouquet to be thrown, all the single women gathered in hopes of catching it. I even saw that Rogue was making sure her skin was covered as she headed out to the crowd.

See, when you get a bunch of single mutant females together, you've got to set rules. So the men set rules. No using your super powers to catch the bouquet. But then again, these were single mutant women we were speaking of. Since when do they listen to us men? It didn't start that day, I'll tell you that much.

So Stormy threw the flowers and all hell broke loose. Them femmes got to elbowin' and jumpin' like never before. I swear on the Thieves Guild that I saw Rogue power-bomb at least two other femmes. When the smoke cleared, I'll be damned if my southern belle didn't come out the winner. Even had the nerve to flaunt it in the other's faces.

When we took a seat at the table, we got to talking about marriage and she was into it. She asked me if I liked being married and I replied no, because it wasn't to her. While she blushed, I took her gloved hand in mine and kissed it. She asked me why I wasted my time on her when I couldn't touch her and my reply was simple. You don't need to touch to feel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, blasé, blasé, and that's when I swore off sex until I could find a way to be with her.

I must've lost my damn mind, what, with all the love in the room.

And I didn't notice I had an audience until Wolverine started laughing… maudire this pen is running out…brb…

Okay, brand new pen.

Today is it. Today I will be with Rogue in that way because I found a way. I have been testing different theories with Hank ever since the wedding. If I charge myself with X amount of kinetic energy, I can create a force field around myself that will allow Rogue to touch without hurting me.

There are always risks though.

I could get too excited and overcharge myself, thus becoming an explosive device.

Did you read that? Remy LeBeau could go **_BOOM_** over a femme. Cajun everywhere. Yeah, LOL while you can. No, not funny at all; Ce Cajun n'est amuse pas. In English? This Cajun is not amused.

But she's worth it.

Ah, I'd better get over to her room before she heads off to the danger room. I'll be back later to tell you what happened on our first 'date'……..

XXX

Merde! Merde! Somebody must hate me! I could've sworn he was gone! Kaput! Out of our lives! I could've sworn that that bastard went with those lizard aliens when he turned into one! What the hell is he doing back here as a human!

You must be wondering who I'm talking about, right?

Cody.

Rogue's old flame Cody is back…and he can touch her freely somehow.

And that's not all. He just asked her to marry him!

TBC…


	2. Pourquoi Pas?

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.

Written Desires

Chapter Two: Pourquoi Pas?

Okay. So I went to Rogue's room to intercept her just ass…_wtf? notebooks need spell-check too Remy_ see I mean, as, I planned on. As soon as she opened the door, I was all over her.

'Chère get de Cajun special, non?'

Focus. Anyway, she opened the door and I rushed her for a kiss. She never knew what hit her…that is, until she started to absorb my powers and memories.

Ah ha, yeah, I forgot to put up that little thing called my barrier before I touched her. Therefore I almost ended up in a crumbled pile of Cajun Spices on the floor. Ha, can't you see ol' Stormy sweeping the pieces of me up now? Shut up!

Hey, I was in a haste to kiss her!

Where was I? Ah oui, the kiss. The pain I felt was nothing compared to the pain of Rogue's punch. That's right, once she gained her wits about herself, she punched me full force in the stomach. I mean she punched the **_shit_** out of me.

And it was almost in a literal sense too.

I fell to my knees in pain.

I think she rearranged my insides. I'm not joking, because if I poke myself in my side, I suddenly have to pee. Now what human or mutant do you know that has a bladder on their sides in plain reach? C'mon now.

I had to grab the walls to help myself up as she glared at me with her hands on her hips. Oh la la, those hips…

Ahem…sometimes my hand writes things my mind doesn't mean.

I did remember to do one thing though before the kiss. I blocked the plans for the day out so she wouldn't absorb them. Good work, I patted myself on the back for that one.

Not for long.

When I looked up and saw that her eyes were glowing red instead of their usual emerald color, I gulped. I knew I was in trouble. And I mean trouble.

Not trouble like, I hid Scott's visor so he couldn't see for three hours and he made me spend three extra hours in the danger room with Wolverine. Nope, that was nothing. I'm talking about real trouble like, 'I'm tellin' yo mama on ya' trouble.

Her looks could kill. So I did the only thing I could do. I smiled, jumped up and yelled happy birthday at the top of my lungs. I could tell she was surprised; no one was supposed to know those things about her, but I did.

After she took a few more swings at me and some very unladylike words from her, I finally convinced her to go out with me. Well, I had to blackmail her into it too, but hey, whatever gets the job done, right? Très vrai.

Breakfast was uneventful as usual. A few of the younger students would talk about what they would be doing this summer while I tried to charm a certain southern belle. You know, nothing pass the usual disturbances.

I flirted with Rouge or got too close, she fumed. I touched her and she tried to knock my block off. Like I said, uneventful.

I waited until later in the day to make my move on Rogue. I caught her by the elbow when she was heading down the stairs and damnit if she didn't sucker punch me dead in the jaw. I would prefer a nonviolent relationship with her to say the least…

Her apology?

'Damn ya swamp rat! Ya can't be sneakin' up on uh gal like that! Ya almost gave meh uh plum heart attack!'

I ended up apologizing instead.

Damn that femme and her uncanny talent to make me the guilty one! Damn her!

I shook it off and smiled, taking her gloved hand in mine. I told her it was time for our date and she sighed, complying nonetheless. We headed out on my bike towards the hallowfest in the park.

Big mistake. I never knew Rogue was a, pardon moi, big bitch when it came to rollercoasters.

She pleaded with me all the way to the top of the hill to just get it over with and kill her. I mean, I didn't understand what she was so afraid of. We face our deaths in battle almost everyday, yet she never showed fear. She had to be de toughest femme Remy knew.

Yet, all that changed when we made our way downhill. Mon Dieu, that femme got ta screamin' and pullin' on Remy. I thought she was gonna break the guard rails and fly outta there.

I don't understand her. She can fly on her own and fights guys ten times bigger then her, yet she was scared o' uh lil rollercoaster. Rogue's scard o' coasters.

Pardon moi while I LMAO.

D'accord, je suis d'accord.

Once the ride was over, she demanded that we leave the park. I gladly complied, having had my fill of laughter for one day.

We headed back to the mansion to pick up some of the younger students for trick or treating. At that, my Rogue was extremely surprised. She asked me why I would offer to take the kids out when she thought I just wanted to take her out.

I told her that I wanted her to get used to being around me and kids. It was our future…and then I tried to kiss her.

And got punched right in my stomach…again.

"What is t'is! Punch de Cajun day! Damn vous femme!"

Ahem Pardon moi for that outburst, but you've got to understand. She drives me crazy and at the same time makes me love her. But I swear to mon Dieu, if she hits me again…dis Cajun gonna snap. Oh and I mean it.

Remy's gonna **_SNAP_**.

Whoa, who am I kiddin'? Rogue'll probably beat me to a pulp before I get the chance to go all Ragin' Cajun on her. Oh well.

I let that punch slide…mainly because I had to use the bathroom all of a sudden. Speaking of…brb…

…Guess who I just saw in the hallway? Oui, Cody, that bastard. He was asking me for directions around the place and I just shoved em out the way. I t'ink I pushed em down the stairs too…

Yup, he's still lying unconscious at the bottom. Now, LOL about t'at Cody. Le ha, le ha.

Merde, here comes Scott to tell me what I did was wrong. If it was up to ol' one eye, everyt'ing Remy do would be wrong.

_'Remy, don't push people down the stairs. Remy, don't be late for Danger Room sessions. Remy, don't hide explosive cards under my pillow. Remy, stop cutting the brake lines to my car. Blasé, blasé, blasé, yadda, yadda, yadda.'_

Petty stuff.

Back to the story.

So we were walking and talking on our way back to the mansion with the kids in front of us. She told me that she enjoyed our 'date' and I was happy to hear that. When I made sure that all the students had went indoors, I turned Rogue to me and said:

"Rogue, Bon Anniversaire ma chérie."

I was this close to kissing her before Cody showed up from out of fucking nowhere!

As soon as she saw the ghost of a bastard, she was all over him. He gave her some sob story that I could tell was fake. I was a thief, after all. She, of course, fell for it and he took the chance and proposed to her on the spot.

I swear that Remy's jaw hit the concrete like a ton of bricks.

As I stood there all slack-jawed with bugs probably taking up residence in my mouth, she accepted without a thought and they walked right pass me.

Like I was a visitor!

The nerve of them!

But t'is Cajun has a plan. I always do. Rogue ain't gonna be walkin' up no aisle less it's towards me.

------->Insert evil yet sexy French Cajun laugh here ----------

Uh oh, dry throat. Let's end t'is entry pour le soir, non?

-RL

A/N: Thanks for everyone who reviewed. It's you all that gave me ideas to update.


	3. Le Reve

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.

Written Desires

Chapter Three: Le Reve

I didn't get much sleep last night.

Remy had that dream again. The one about he and Rogue in the cave. The one where we could touch freely. The only time we were able to make love without worrying about her killing me with her touch.

And then I woke up. Damn. I woke up to the cruel reality that was now my life. A life without Rogue.

Yeah right, like t'is Cajun's gonna let t'at happen.

On my way pass Rogue's room, I overheard her talking to Cody. To my utter shock, it was about sex.

Damn that Cody. That scrawnny, sneaky, freak named Cody. Don't ma chere t'ink it odd t'at he just pop de hell up from who knows where? Gambit gonna make sure to t'row de trash right back in de dumpster from which it crawled.

-------> Muhahaha ---- Ragin Cajun Madman Laugh

He was asking her why she wouldn't let him touch her while expressin' his deepest, most sincere love for her.

Excuse t'is Cajun while he gag.

She then told de lizard (Cody's new codename) t'at she wanted to wait until their weddin' night and I couldn't help but to do a dance. At least I had some time on my hands now.

Then de lizard pressed de wrong button by sayin':

_'But I know ya wanna do it now Marie. Ya powas ain't neva let ya feel uh man's touch befo.'_

And she fumed. I could feel the heat from outside de do. She countered on him:

_"Da nerve of ya Cody! I done felt plenty nuff already! Remy and I done…"_

And as silence befell their room, I felt a smile spread over my handsome yet unshaven face. Shave…damn, I needed to be presentable to see Rogue.

I turned to sprint back to my room, but as always, there was an obstacle for t'is Cajun.

An obstacle with odd hair, an ugly unshaven face, an adamantium skeleton and razor sharp claws.

An obstacle t'at asked me if Rogue was still considering marrying de lizard over Gumbo.

An obstacle t'at also had bad breath in de morning. And as I wiped de tears from my eyes, I could only nod. What was I crying for you ask?

Timeout. You know how when somebody got real, real bad breath, and t'ey talk directly into your face? It feels like somebody's stabbing you in de eyes! Mon Dieu, I had to get out of t'ere before he killed me!

Without another word, I took off for my room.

Safe! T'is Cajun's gonna live another day!

So after everyone showered, shaved and brushed their teeth, _some a little more vigorously than others may I add,_ breakfast was served.

After all these years, I've come to realize that Rogue favors her right side more than her left. Tat's why I always sit on her right…and dis time, I left a semi-charged Ace on the seat to her left.

De lizard sat to her left.

Right when Stormy picked up de bowl of eggs, **_KABOOM!_**, de card exploded…and de lizard screamed…like a femme…a very high pitched femme at t'at. As soon as everyone figured out what happened, laughter erupted in de dinning room.

How de lizard gonna have sex wit anybody if his ass blown off?

And of course, someone didn't find dat funny. Ol' one eye. Scott. De homme assigned poor Remy to six extra hours of Danger Room sessions wit Wolvie.

Oh well, Wolverine doesn't even make me do de hueres. We usually spend de day watching a game and getting drunk. And believe Remy, a drunk Canadian plus one drunk Cajun equals a tres mal t'ing.

A drunk Canadian and Cajun will cut de brake lines on your car as a joke and t'en forget bout it in de morning when sober. Been t'ere, done t'at.

Back to the topic at hand.

I was 'punished' so to speak and as an added 'bonus', I was put on dish duty after breakfast. Freakin great. T'ey just don't know what dishwater does to dis Cajun's hands.

De only good t'ing dat came of dis whole fiasco was t'at:

1.) Rogue didn't punch me or cause any other bodily harm to moi person

2.) Rogue was put on duty wit moi. ;)

And it's like once we're together, something _has_ to go wrong, but we have fun nonetheless.

Dish time was no exception.

I rolled up my sleeves and filled de sink wit water as Rogue scraped off any remains from de plates. Why don't we just use de dishwasher?

We don't have one. Go figure. Superheroes without a dishwasher. We go out, save de world and come home to do de dishes. Wow, if Magneto only knew, he'd laugh his metal ass off.

I threw in a few plates and water splashed on Rogue's face, flattening the front of her hair. Of course t'at was Remy's cue to laugh, but she didn't find it funny. She threw water back at me and all of a sudden, we had a water war on our hands.

As de sink was still filling with suds.

We were both soaked wit water when she suddenly stopped me in my tracks and threatened to 'touch' me if I didn't back off. I pretended to think for a moment and den shrugged. Waggin my eyebrows suggestively, I only advanced on ma cherie.

I told her to go 'head and she did; putting her hands on de sides of dis Cajun's face. When she saw nothing happening, she gasped and I seized de opportunity to kiss her.

We kissed for what seemed like hours before we were interrupted by de voice of Cyke. He bellowed out a _'What the hell are you two doing in here! There's water everywhere!'_

Rogue made her way over to de sink and shut off de overflowing liquid while I stood there surveying de place. Scott demanded dat we clean de place and turned to leave, but not before slippin and falling on his ass.

Rogue and I rolled.

And we both got six additional hours with Wolverine in the Danger Room before he left. T'at brought moi count up to twelve, merde.

I turned back to Rogue and tried to pull her back into my arms, but she pushed me back, telling moi to stop. She said she was engaged to de lizard now…but her eyes spoke otherwise. Her eyes were hungry pour moi, and so was her heart.

Should Remy feel violated?

Nah, I liked de looks she was giving moi as we cleaned de kitchen. De 'punishment' wasn't so bad afterall.

1.) I got to play with Rogue in sudsy water

2.) I got to kiss Rogue

3.) I could see her nipples through her shirt from den on ;)

And as we split to go our separate ways, she turned back to me and said something that gave me more hope den eva.

_**"Next time Swamp Rat, try ta find uh place we won't be interrupted."**_

-RL

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and waited for this next chapter. I need a new idea of something funny to do to Cody.


	4. Bu Comme une Moufette

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late t'at he still loves her. Or is it…?

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own. Nor do I own PrankPlace dot com.

A/N: First off I would like to thank everyone for the highly appreciated reviews. And thanks for the ideas on how to torture Cody. Keep em coming! This chapter is dedicated to ness345, Remy'sRose and The Bud.

Warning: This chapter has some lemony stuff in it, be careful.

Written Desires

Chapter Three: Bu Comme une Moufette

(Drunk As A Skunk)

It's been t'ree days since I last wrote an entry in t'is journal. Remy's been kind of busy. So he got t'ree days of catchin up ta do.

T'is Cajun told you he had a plan to get rid of de lizard and he did.

Well…almost.

Anyway, aft'r t'at moment in time t'at Rogue and I shared in the suds, I began my planning. C'mon now, de fact t'at she said next time let's not be interrupted was more than enough to push moi ova de edge.

Wolverine even helped.

What bout t'ose extra danger room heures Remy had to do vous ask? I traded em in.

Oui, traded em in pour 12 heures of lizard extermination.

Mais, Rogue had to do her extra sessions. Per moi request, she and Wolverine went at it for six heures on Friday morning as I watched from de control room up above.

Ah, excuses-moi while Remy wipes de drool from his mouth.

Mon Dieu, ma chère was beautiful. Sweating like crazy. De way her chest heaved up and down…

Uh oh…brb…

Okay, I'm back. So let Remy give vous de t'ree day rundown.

* * *

- Day 1 -

It started Friday aft'rnoon when Wolve and I started my 12 heure 'training' session.

Of course t'at meant we were lounging around de garage and working on Scott's car.

To Remy's recollection, we either fixed or wrecked sumt'ing under de hood.

Hold on…

Oui, by de sounds of him crashing into t'at tree under Remy's window, we definitely wrecked sumt'ing.

Back to day one.

We were drunk and talking bout Remy's lizard problem. Vous won't be able to understand how drunk we actually were unless Remy writes out our conversation for you.

So here it goes:

"Ya know what? Ya know what? Vous que savez-il?"

"What?"

"Que?"

"What Gumbo?"

I look at him.

"What, what?"

"Huh?"

"What are we talking bout?"

"Lizards."

I nod my head.

"Ah oui, lizards. Lizards are slimy green bugs."

Wolverine shakes his head and takes another gulp of his beer.

"Lizards ain't bugs."

"T'en what are t'ey homme?"

"Fish."

"Fish. Remy like…like fish."

I start crying at t'is point.

"Mon Dieu…"

"What?"

"Remy's fish died when he was cinq. His name was Walter."

"T'at's too bad bub."

And just like t'at, I stopped crying.

"Let's go huntin' mon ami. Let's hunt lizards."

"Lizards?"

"Oui, lizards!"

And t'at's all it took to convince the drunken Canadian to join me in my hunting expedition. How we got into Cody's room and carried him out on his mattress was a wonder to Remy. All I know, is t'at we ended up carrying em down de stairs while he was still sleep on it. I bumped my elbow on the wall and yelped.

"Ssshhh! You gonna wake em up Gumbo!"

"He sleep wheely hard. He not gonna wake…"

Just t'en de lizard opened his eyes slowly and blinked at us.

"What's goin' on…?"

And like some femmes, we all screamed, dropping de bed in de process. De bon t'ing is t'at it made em pass out again. I leaned over em.

"Is it dead?"

"I dunno. Poke em."

"Vous poke em."

"Forget it. Just help me with t'is."

We picked up the bed and continued downstairs towards the pool area…

* * *

- Day 2 -

We both slept in late as the beer took its toll on us. I turned over in my bed as I heard a loud splash and ol' one eye yellin'.

"Who the hell ripped out my engine!"

It was way too early to wake up.

By de time I did wake up, Remy found out t'at 'Monsieur-Stick-Up-His-Ass' had taken a team out pour survival training. And oui, t'at team included Jean.

So guess what?

T'at left Storm in charge, which technically meant Wolverine was in charge, which kinda meant Remy was in charge.

Muhahaha

A full Saturday to torture de lizard and shack up wit Rogue.

Muhahaha

When I checked de mail, I had my next trick to pull on my nemesis.

De internet is a magnifique place. A week ago, a wanderin Cajun found an interesting object on a site called What I found was t'is tiny remote t'at could control any tv while concealed in de palm of your hand.

Muhahaha

Ah, can't vous regardez de mischief?

A few of us X-Men were watchin a football game in de den when Cody -ah de lizard- walked in and joined us.

Somehow, de real remote was placed next to em while Remy held de prank one.

Right when everyone got riled up fo a definite touchdown, I changed de channel.

Pissed erybodi de hell off.

Made erybodi glare at lizard boy…even Rogue.

Meanwhile, Remy was crackin up on de inside. It's hard to glare at someone while vous tryin' not to laugh.

De fish turned back to de game.

In de 3rd quarter, de team was goin fo anotha maja touchdown. De playa was at de 40…de 30…de 20…15…10…5…

CLICK!

I changed de channel again.

Pissed erybodi off again.

Lizard was blamed again.

To our amusement, Jubilee jumped to strangle de homme and I broke out laughing. Rogue separated de deux and turned de game back on.

Ah oui. It was near de end of de 4th quarter and de score was tied. If we made t'is last touchdown, we won. Erybodi had t'ere eyes glued to de screen. T'ere was only 10 seconds left and de playa was runnin…

An opposing playa was comin in fo de tackle…

T'ey were at de fo yard line…

He was makin it…

CLICK! De screen went blank.

Remy turned de tv off.

Wolverine extended his claws to kill de lizard, but ma chérie beat em to de punch.

Literally.

Just like she did me befo', she beat de **_shit_** outta de homme.

Hmmm…what else happened t'at day?

Oui, de otha 'incidents'.

Cajun made incidents.

Since de parents – one eye and mademoiselle perfect – were away from de mansion and so was de professeur, we had our own game of football…

In de 3rd floor hallway.

Where est Storm vous ask?

She was t'ere. She was de referee.

We played hommes vs. femmes, but de lizard chose not to joue. He sat in de windowsill instead.

Bad choice. Très mal.

Wolverine t'rew moi a long pass down de hall and Remy jumped up fo it…and so did Rogue.

While she was interceptin de ball, her back slammed into my chest, which caused moi to bump into my nemesis.

'Arrrggghhh! Remy touched de lizard! Disinfect! Disinfect!'

He went fallin 3 stories out de window and landed wit a thud.

Smiling since no one noticed de incident, I looked ova de ledge to see my work, but t'en frowned.

A rosebush had broken his fall.

Merde.

I shrugged it off and smirked. At least it was full of t'orns.

Muhahaha

We were runnin une play where Wolvie got us a touchdown to win de game. We were all cheering when out of one of my oddly colored eyes did I spy a raggedy looking lizard makin his way up de stairs.

I had to t'ink quick.

I t'rew de ball down at em and hit em right in de…

Well, vous know. He went fallin back down de steps.

Die nemesis, die!

Muhahaha

So we all hit de showas and I followed Rogue to hers.

Right when I was bout to walk in de do behind her, she turned around and took uh swing at moi.

De nerve of her!

I ducked of course.

Getting hit by Rogue not sumt'ing I wanna re-live.

She pulled moi into de bathroom and slammed moi against de do while fixin moi wit a hard glare.

Just when t'is Cajun t'ought he was in fo de beatin' of his lifetime, she kissed moi.

T'en pulled away quickly.

My breat'ing was labored and her eyes were glowing red from my kinetic energy. She looked at moi wit questioning eyes and I smirked.

She gasped when I started glowing red and I pulled her back into my arms. She struggled at first, relunctant to try again after she almost killed me, but she gave in. T'is time, t'ere was no powa drainin when we kissed.

Only rubbing bodies, roaming hands and dancing tongues.

She was all ova moi. Somehow, our clothes disappeared…

Hmm…maybe Remy got powas he don't know bout? Lemme try…

Nope.

Anyway, we were both naked and in de showa tagetha ba t'en.

I slipped a finger into her and used the same rhythm my expert tongue glided to and she moaned into my mouth. I added a second finger as she rolled her hips against me, making me want her even more. Mon Dieu she was bout to see de Ragin Cajun!

Suddenly, she broke de kiss and asked me to fuck her.

Excuse t'is Cajun's language, but t'ose were her exact words. So who was Remy to argue?

Oui, we did it. Remy took her right against de showa wall. It was de best feelin eva.

T'en she slapped moi and told moi to wake up. Dead on, hard as hell, on de jaw. She slapped moi like I stole sumt'ing.

C'est amuse, mais she sounded a lot like Wolvie t'en.

I opened my red eyes and stared into de faces of none otha t'en Wolverine et Storm.

I groaned out loud.

Apparently, I hadn't ducked and missed being slugged by Rogue. Moi laying on de flo in front of de bathrrom do proves t'at. Guess I did have to re-live being hit by Rogue.

I had been dreamin.

Merde.

And not to mention t'at while I was layin down, otha parts of de Cajun were standin tall.

Double merde.

It was time fo a cold showa.

* * *

- Day 3 -

Sunday started normal enough. Oui, while eryone did chores or got ready pour l'école de next day, me et Wolvie tossed back a couple cold ones while working on Scott's **_other_** car.

Mechanics is our favorite pastime. ;)

Since ruby visor man didn't get back until later t'at night, we decided to pull une plus prank on our lizard friend.

We convinced em to fly out wit us, saying t'at we had to pick sumt'ing up.

Mon Dieu, he gotta be de dumbest homme eva because like une foole, he agreed.

Since Wolverine et Remy were both teeterin' drunk, we flipped a coin to see who would fly de jet.

I won.

After getting rid of all the safety pamphlets t'at were in my way, we were off. T'ey were everywhere aussi. One was bout de dangas of flyin while drunk and Wolverine read it out loud, amusing us both to no end.

Scott writes de funniest t'ings.

We flew out to de Sahara Desert and gave de lizard a fake mission. Once he was out of sight, the two of us had a toast to em with our beer t'at we had oh so conveniently brought along and t'en took off.

Let's see em get back to New York now.

Muhahaha

It was dinnertime when we got back and oddly enough, no one asked us where we had been.

No one even seemed to notice t'at de lizard was missing…not even Rogue.

Très bon.

Oui, et t'at was yestaday.

- Le Muhahaha - Evil Sexy Cajun laugh

Uh oh, someone's at de do. Remy gonna end t'is entry ici, oui?

-RL


	5. Plan B – D’accord

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and please remember to keep the comments about what pranks to play on Cody coming. His torture isn't over yet!

**Warning: There is a real time event that takes place in this chapter. Remember, Rogue is currently reading Remy's journal, but all the events that are happening are in the past.**

Written Desires

Chapter Five: Plan B – D'accord

Ah, it's been a while, non? Remy's missed his adoring fans and he's sorry for putting t'is off so long.

Wow, how conceited is t'is Cajun? I wrote t'at last entry t'is morning.

I also noticed sumt'ing else. Seems t'is Cajun been writin in jacked up English. Oh well. It's not as if anyone is reading t'is. He can write how he wanna write and no one would care.

Oh wait.

Sumone is reading moi journal…

---

Rogue gasps and drops the journal, scared that somehow, Remy had found out she was reading it. Taking a few steadying breaths, she waits for the Cajun to bust her big time.

When nothing happens for five minutes, she picks the journal back up and continues to read.

---

Oui, t'at's right, Remy got an audience.

Wolverine.

T'at damn adamantium maniac has been reading moi journal like it's de lastest porn issue out. Mon Dieu!

I knew I was un bon writer, but merde…

Oh well, it's not like Remy gonna stop de idiot. Not like leaving uh charged card near em would really hurt de homme. It'll just cost moi mo time in de Danga Room wit One Eye. So here goes. It's time I recounted my time with Rogue while the lizard is gone. Ooh, we had us sum real fun too.

So in my last entry, I had to end it early cause someone was at de do. Let's pick up t'ere, shall we?

I got up to open de do, and to t'is Cajun's surprise, it was Rogue. She was in a tee and some jeans, which may Remy add, fit ma cherie form perfectly. On her shirt was an interesting message.

It had a picture of a male figure, vous know, like de ones from de bathroom do, jumping through the air with the words, 'I DO MY OWN STUNTS' underneath it.

And as I stood t'ere grinning like an idiot, she took moi staring at her chest de wrong way.

And socked moi in my stomach.

So while I stood t'ere bent over in de doway, gasping fo air, she ranted on about how Remy was such uh perv.

De nerve of her!

I try to expand moi horizons by reading a simple shirt and get accused of bein uh pervert! Ce n'est pas Remy's fault t'at what he was reading just _happened_ to be stretched across de femme's chest.

Once she calmed down and I took a quick bathroom break, she told moi what she wanted. Chère wanted moi to go to de APL wit her.

D'accord, at first I was bout to say non, hell non, but t'en I t'ought bout it. Even if it meant I had to endure smelly cheins, scratching chats et humping rabbits…

LMAO, humpin rabbits… o -t'at's a rabbit if vous wonderin.

Anyway, so Remy agreed to go wit her and in no time, we were walking through de dos of de Animal Protective League.

While ma cherie looked around, I busied myself with watching her bend over to look into the cages. She so round t'at it gotta be a crime.

Okay so maybe not ici, but somewhere like on uh nut'er planet, Remy know t'at it gotta be a crime ta look t'at damn good.

-------drool , -------

Ahem.

And t'at's when I saw him. T'at bastard.

Qui?

Une chat. Une chat was also checking out ma cherie's ass.

I mean, what de hell is t'at? Since when do chats check out human butts?

Oh but he was, and t'is is one ragin' Cajun t'at wasn't bout ta let it slide.

I did what any _carin' boyfriend_ would do.

I walked ova t'ere and t'reatened t'at chats life.

He looked at me with t'ese beady lil eyes and actually smirked at moi!

T'at mut'afucka _SMIRKED_ at moi!

Anger was in my viens by t'en. Remy grabbed t'at cage and shook de shit outta it. T'at chat went ta meowin and cryin til Rogue pulled moi away from it…but not befo t'at bastard scratched moi.

Remy gonna kill t'at chat! APL be damned!

Oui, so I was kicked outta t'ere and forced to wait outside for ma chère.

When she did come out, she had her cat.

Thankfully, not de one Remy had his altercation wit.

It was a big one, uh Orange Tiger to be exact. It had orange fluffy hair and a fluffy orange tail. Around his nose was blanc; so was the hair on his chest and his paws. T'at chat gotta have de laziest yellow eyes Remy eva seen. He was declawed in de front, but not de back.

Oh well, as long as he wasn't tryin ta game ma chère, he was d'accord.

She named em Beau.

D'accord, Remy can tell t'at's a pun on my name. All chère had to do is put de 'Le' on de front and he'd be uh LeBeau. Huh.

Ah, we got de chat home…

Hold it.

Did vous know t'at at de APL, de chats were buy une get une free?

Remy didn't.

So when he heard t'at at de front desk, he couldn't help but to laugh. My eyes were watering, and I was stomping my foot, dying of laughter. Who de hell puts chats on…a BOGO sell?! BOGO Buy One Get One

D'accord, d'accord, vous don't get it. Lemme wipe my tears. Guess vous had ta be t'ere.

So we got de chat home et she wouldn't let it out of her sight. Chère took it everywhere avec lui. Since we had aujourd'hui off, we spent it together playing simple games.

Nous jouons basketball. Big mistake.

Chère whipped t'is Cajun's ass.

Oh, pardon moi. Not whipped moi ass, as in, de score. Whipped moi ass, as in, physically.

When I went up for uh easy lay-up, de ball was knocked from my hand and across de court. Okay, no problem. I grabbed de ball again and dribbled towards ma cherie.

Anot'er big mistake.

T'at femme's elbow came in neat contact avec moi jaw…hard. Extremely hard.

Shrug it off Remy.

She stood t'ere wit uh smirk as I rubbed my sore jaw. Damn her.

Before I could get ready, she rushed moi and she elbowed moi in my stomach.

Pourquoi pas retaliate vous ask? Cause Remy suddenly had to pee.

Aft'r t'at, we switched to sumt'ing mo simple. Like Frisbee. No harm in t'at, right?

WRONG!

Sumtimes I t'ink ma cherie forgets how much strength she has, cause when she chucked t'at t'ing at moi, my life flashed in front of my eyes.

Remy saw all de times he went out wit de T'ieves Guild, his marriage to Bella, de Bayou, t'at damn perverted chat, Rogue…

T'en his world went black.

When I woke up, Hank was standing ova moi in de medical lab.

Remy must've invented some new cuss words, cause he was mad. Mad like…de Hulk mad. Remy almost ripped off his clothes to prove a point…mais…non.

Save t'at for de bedroom.

It was time pour payback.

I found Rogue in her room reading a book while lying on her bed with Beau. Grinning like uh mad man, I ran outside and grabbed de Frisbee. Aiming pour lui chambre, I charged it and sent it flying.

It went right t'rough her window.

Seconds later, she screamed as it exploded…probably on her bed.

Muhahahaha….hahahah --scheming Cajun laugh

De chat was a witness to all t'is.

----2nd Half of the day----

Remy's no fool. I knew Rogue would be lookin pour moi aft'r t'at lil 'stunt' he pulled.

Ha ha, I made une amusée.

'Stunt'.

Ma cherie does all her own stunts.

So when someone knocked on de do, I pretended to be gone. Hopefully, t'ey would leave.

Nope, non such luck. It was Wolverine. He MADE moi let him in.

Tossing moi uh cold one, he said t'at since de lizard was gone and we didn't have to get back to training til Wednesday, we should take un petit journée.

D'accord, no problème.

Atlantic City was de decision and Remy was mo t'en happy ta go. Besides, gambling was Gambit's specialty, non? I was expecting some big winnings.

What t'is Cajun wasn't expecting was for an angry Rogue to come busting down his do and pinning him ta de bed.

One of her hands were holding mine above moi head et de ot'er was balled up in a fist. Ma Chere was MAD...

Gulp

Ou est Wolverine vous ask?

Oh he was t'ere. T'at lazy bastard was sitting in a chair, drinking his beer while flipping t'rough a magazine, like nut'ing was wrong. Oh mais t'en he put his deux cents in.

Wit'out much enthusiam, he pleaded on Remy's behalf.

"Stop. Don't hurt him. No."

Turns the page in his magazine and takes a sip of beer.

"He didn't mean it. No Rogue, no. Please."

I glared at him and shook my head. Damn, I neva wanted ta kill nobody so bad in my life t'en Wolvie at t'at moment.

Merci beaucoup pour de support!

BASTARD!!!!

So as I waited pour moi life ta end, I t'ought about moi funeral. Give t'is Cajun a New Orleans funeral...

Vous know, where de people dance down de street to confuse de evil spirits...

Ooh, et t'at adamantium JERK betta dance pour moi service aussi, or he WILL be living in uh haunted house tonight!

Mais, moi demise neva came.

Stormy came to Remy's rescue just in time, pulling de angry femme off moi and out de room.

De moments aft'r t'at were uneventful; I swore my revenge on Wolverine, he shruged moi off...

Let's get to de best part.

In Atlantic City, I found t'ree t'ings out:

1) Rogue is a chronic gambler...even when she loses. She lost ALL her money wit'in de first hour, but she was still at it. How, when she didn't have anymore money vous ask?

Ah, easy.

Chere took moi in de corner, flashed moi her goodies and she was back in de game.

Oui, Gambit's uh sucka fo breasts...which is prolly tres mal...

Oh well, what's done est done, non?

2) Rogue is a terrible singer. We had dinner at a resturant wit uh live show and she started to sing along and...

Well let's just say t'at she cleared de house. Mon Dieu, ta be such uh Southern Belle, she got de song voice of uh Mack trucker on speed.

I swear I t'ought it was sumbodi else at first, mais...it was Rogue.

Yeeesh. shudders at the memory

We promptly shut her up.

3) Rogue is an EXTREME LIGHTWEIGHT when it comes to alcohol. She had one 'Sex On The Beach' and was drunk off her ass.

She was all ova moi et I couldn't stop lui.

Wow, it was like...

Muhahahaha...yeah baby, yeah -- Cajun bout to get him some laugh

T'is Cajun could barely get her back to de room cause she wamted moi so bad. In de elevator, de hall...MAN! Talk about in dire need!

Remy had to make sure he kept himself slightly charged or else she'd kill moi.

As soon as we were inside, she pushed moi on de bed and crawled on top of moi.

I almost lost moi damn mind when I felt her lips traveling down moi chest to de top of moi pants.

Oh, she was so close!

I was so ready for her!

It only took moi uh hot second to close moi eyes et lose her. She had stopped.

What de hell?

Imagine moi suprise when I looked down and found her sleep on my stomach...drooling.

I wanted to scream; I wanted to cry.

So close!

Remy was so...hard pour lui! AARRGH!

It was cold shower time, so I pushed her off me and she fell to the floor.

Mais she didn't wake up.

T'en I t'ought twice about it.

If Rogue woke up and found moi in de bed et her on de flo, t'ere'd be hell ta pay. Besides, I could neva treat Chere like t'at.

Despite how many times she beats moi up, j'adore lui.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, she was snuggled up to moi in de bed; her head resting on moi chest. My long sleeved tee, shielded our skin from contact, so pour l'heure, everyt'ing was fine.

Et t'en I realized t'at yestaday didn't even matt'r no mo. As long as t'is Cajun got ta hold his gambling, non-singing, lightweight alcoholic cherie, everyt'ing was right in de world.

T'ere was no way t'at Cody was coming back to come between us t'is time. T'ere ain't no payphones in the middle of nowhere. T'ere may be a few outlaw raiders out t'ere but t'ey usually de really friendly type, oui? Who knows how long it'll be befo anyone found a body?

Le Ha, Le Ha, Le hahahahahaha!!! --Remy(aka de sexiest man alive) killed off Cody laugh

--------

Well journal, t'is Cajun gonna take a break pour aujourd'hui, non? De mansion doorbell is ringing.

RL


	6. Plan C Je ne suis pas D'accord

Summary: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her

**Summary**: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.**

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews and please remember to keep the comments about what pranks to play on Cody coming. His torture isn't over yet! And yes, Remy does keep switching up how he writes and his accents. Remember that this is exactly how he's writing in his private journal.

**Warning: There is a universe crossover again in this chapter, hence a DC character will appear in the marvel world. It's all for humor though.**

Written Desires

Entry Six: Plan C – Je ne suis pas d'accord

Journal, journal, journal! Imagine t'is Cajun's surprise when he opened de door yestaday!

So I opens de door and was in fo de shock of moi life. Like t'is Cajun hadn't had enough of t'ose already.

T'ere stood a tall muscular man with a long black cape, a bat symbol on his chest and wait...oui, pointy bat ears.

Parle about weird, non? Who de hell? He even had a deep voice when he spoke...

"Is this yours?"

Wit a glance down, I almost became t'at Ragin' Cajun everybody hates to see. It was Cody. De lizard was back.

Braise! So what else could I do but narrow moi eyes and lie?

"Non, neva seen em befo in moi life. Désolée."

Et while I'm tryin ta close de do, de man stops moi with narrowed eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Once again, Remy moved to close de do, but t'is time, I was stopped by de lizard wit tears in his eyes.

"Please Remy! It's me! You and Logan must've forgot me out there in the desert! I was so scared!"

Just t'ink homme. How can somebody _forget someone_ in de desert? Asshole. We left vous on purpose!

T'en de stupide homme latched onto moi and wouldn't let go.

I. Need. A. Bath. Now! He was touchin moi again and Remy be damned if he didn't feel t'is gooey substance on him.

Where's moi Lysol?

De 'batman' was still glaring at moi, so I glared right back.

"Vous not from round ici, are vous?"

"No. I was tracking the Sandman and he lead me to your 'Marvel' of a universe."

Oh. De freak wit de pointy ears had de nerve to try to insult t'is Cajun's universe? D'accord.

"T'en go back home, whereva t'at be. Probably DC. T'at's where most de weirdos from anyway."

"Gotham City. What is DC?"

T'at intrigued moi to say de least.

xxx

Hey, t'at Batman's a really bon homme. Wolvie walked in on our conversation and in no time, we were in de garage, tossing back a few cold ones. Turns out t'at he likes mechanics aussi.

He even gave us more idées pour pranks!

Formidable!

Wasting no more time, we set to making de lizard's life a livin hell.

Remy nev'r t'ought t'at Cody be allergic to chats...mais muhahaha!

I was on my way upstairs wit Wolverine when Cody whipped pass us on de stairs wit watery eyes. It only added amusement when Wolvie stuck his foot out and de lizard went flying face first.

At first, Remy couldn't understand de source of his distress until he got to de top. T'ere, loungin round was Beau. T'at chat meowed and rubbed against moi leg like it hadn't a care in de world. I smiled and picked em up.

Cody was allergic to chats.

Muhahahaha moi petite chat --toture de lizard wit Beau laugh

So anyway, we continued on to moi chambre to look t'rough moi box of goodies from PrankPlace.

All while tossing back a couple more cold ones.

We are sum rut'less bastards, Remy knows t'is.

At dinner t'at nuit, we used moi fart machine and spray. Easy.

Wolverine kept spraying de fart spray near Cody and t'is Cajun would hit de button on de machine, makin a fart sound.

Everyone was shocked and appalled! LOL! Just imagine de look on ma chérie face when she figured out it was de lizard! Mon Dieu! Priceless!

Remy aka sexy godlike being - 3725, Cody aka de lizard - zip.

I even planted a fake quart'r on him. One side held de United States Eagle, while de ot'er side were de words, Mississippi, 'FUN TO PADDLE', on it. Ma chère would hate t'at.

Et Rogue did. All I could do was watch wit amused red eyes as she beat him to a pulp.

"Da nerve of ya Cody! How can ya poke fun at our birthplace! I'm ashamed dat ya frum Mississippi at all!"

"But Marie darlin..."

"Don't ya talk ta meh Cody! Ya on da couch tanite!"

So while de lizard mulled over how he got t'at quart'r, Remy laughed his ass off. Rogue was lookin at moi like I had gone off moi rocker. Maybe I have.

Oh well. Back ta de story.

Remy has t'is t'ing called a toilet monster t'at pops out de toilet when vous lift de seat. It's likely to scare de piss out of vous.

Uh oh journal...brb...bat'room break.

D'accord. So t'is green monster t'ing pops out at vous when vous least expect it.

Moi et Wolverine planted one pour de lizard.

Imagine moi stupor when I came out moi room to see Cody runnin out de bat'room wit his pants round his ankles, a big wet spot on t'em and screamin bout monsters at de top of his lungs.

Oooohhh weeee! T'at homme woke de whole house! LMAO!

It took Wolvie to punch em in de gut ta finally get em ta shut up.

Talk bout hilarity! T'is Cajun was rollin on de floor, eyes full of tears laughing!

Mon Dieu! Remy knew he left de Bayou fo a good reason!

Anisi, while everyone tried to calm de idoit down, Remy snuck in de bat'room and got rid of de monster...and while at it, knicked his sleep attire he had in t'ere.

T'at homme would be in pour a grand suprise when he got out de shower.

Le hahaha idiot –--idiot bout to be embarrassed again laugh.

And oh, que did Remy spy wit his red eyes? But of course, un plus hilarity. Jubilee screamed when de lizard emerged from de bat'room pour de second time t'at nuit.

Pourquoi?

His clothes fell clean off him.

Mon Dieu, Remy gonna pass out from de lack of oxygen since he's laughing so hard.

T'at homme falls pour anyt'ing.

Oh, vous won't believe t'is eit'er.

De chat, Beau, is a lush. Oui, a certified A+ lush.

Apparently, Remy's beer had tipped over in his chambre long aft'r de adamantium maniac had went ta bed, and Beau took it upon himself to clean up de mess...wit his tongue.

When Remy came back in his room, Beau was walking on wobbly legs, hiccuped once t'en fell over drunk.

What did I do vous ask? Simple.

Crack open a new beer and toss it back. Looks like me and Logan have a new drinkin partna.

Meee...oooowwww –--drunk chat meow, lol

T'ere was one last t'ing I needed ta do before bed t'ough. Une plus prank.

Taking de stairs one by one very slowly since I was _highly intoxicated_, as ma cherie would say, I stood over de sleeping figure on de couch. Looking to de side, an evil smirk played on moi lips when I noticed de portable alarm clock by his side.

Picking it up, I pull de batteries from it and toss em on de floor, as well as de clock. He gonna t'ink he knocked it over in his sleep.

Buwahahaha –--drunk cajun gonna make vous wake up late laugh

Time pour sum cuddlin.

I made moi way back upstairs towards ma chere room and climbed in de bed avec lui.

De last t'ing I remember t'inkin was t'at she needed to shave t'ose legs cause de hair was kinda rough.

xxx

De next mornin, I woke up to yelling, sumt'ing bout de lizard being late...t'en a growl.

Hmmm...ma cherie getting naughty Remy see.

"You got five seconds to get your Cajun, swamprat, backwater ass outta my bed Gumbo."

I frowned. Why ma cheire sound like Wolverine?

Opening my eyes, t'is Cajun almost died...mais non. I did de next logical t'ing.

I screamed.

I was in bed wit Wolverine and Stormy. Oh merde. De weather goddess didn't t'ink it was all t'at funny eit'er, hint her scowl.

Jumping up, I sprint back to moi chambre, but stop when I see caution tape over de do. Except...t'is tape didn't just say 'caution'. It said:

'CAUTION! ASSHOLE ZONE!'

Who de hell would prank moi?

Turning when I hear chuckling behind moi, mes yeux narrow at de lizard, who's leaning against anot'er do.

"Surprised, Gambit?"

T'at dumb fuck had finally figured moi out. Time ta step moi game up. I rip de tape down.

"Non."

T'at's de same time Kitty decided to open her room door, sending Cody flying to de flo. I just smirk and head in ma chambre.

"Oh my God Cody! Are you like, alright?!"

"Non, not at all..."

Well journal, Remy gotta go pour now. Got a Danger Room Session avec one eye. Et vous know how he be on moi ass.

:Rolls eyes in an annoyed yet utterly handsome way:

A demain!

RL


	7. Plan Z – Je ne baise suis pas d'accord

**Summary**: Rogue is reading Remy's journal while he's away and finds out a little too late that he still loves her. Or is it…?

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own.**

**A/N**: I'm so sorry about the long wait. I'm so upset that I've been neglecting my stories for over a year. Never again. This chapter is dedicated to two of my favorite reviewers: Lucky's Girl and Martshi3.

**Warning**: Remy refers to Cody as 'Homosexual' or 'Gay' a lot from here out. I don't have anything against either, but remember, Remy hates Cody. With a passion. He's trying to get Rogue to change her mind about marrying him. So no disrespect intended.

Written Desires

Entry Seven: Plan Z – Je ne baise suis pas d'accord

Once again mon journal, de lizard is gone.

Où vous ask?

Oh…in jail. Oui! Remy got de dumb home arrested aujourd'hui!

---Buhahahahaha!-----Cajun got you arrested laugh

Mais, let's not skip ov'r de whole day, oui?

Anisi, from de beginning…

Coffee is d'essence of t'is Cajun's existence. Sugary filled French Vanilla flavored coffee.

Mmmm… drool o, --t'at's ma drool face!

Can't function witout it. Won't function witout it. If vous want t'is Cajun to save de world, vous bett'r get moi some coffee first. X_x

Even got a favorite mug t'at everyone knows not to touch. Well, apparently not everyone cause when I walked in de kitchen, it was in de hands of de lizard.

WTF?

Oh hell non.

Stalking over, I angrily snatched it away before burning de home wit a petit amount of kinetic energy. All de dumb homme could do was yelp in pain.

"Mine!"

T'is Cajun has to reassert his dominance. Picked t'at one up from de adamantium maniac.

Aft'r uh t'rough washing et sanitizing, I poured moi a cup of ma drug. T'at's when I realized de sugar was missing.

Je ne sais pas how it happened, mais all I know is t'at t'ere was a big boom and coffee all over one eye. Mon Dieu! He got to cussin et fussin while Stormy sat at de table calmly sippin tea.

"Who's coffee is this?!"

Has Remy ever mentioned t'at Stormy est ma homie? Seriously. Elle est uh ride or die femme. De weat'r goddess looked Scoot right into t'ose ruby quartz of his et said:

"Cody's."

Oooohhh! De lizard got ta stutt'ring et shaking, pointing de finger at moi. LMAO! C'est d'accord, Remy know where he not wanted. I quietly slipped out like de t'ief I am et sprinted ov'r to where Wolvie, Bobby et Piotor where working out. Removing ma shirt et splashing water on ma body, I join in.

"Just act like Remy been ici all along."

T'ey shrug et keep on, even when Scott comes storming outside.

"How can it have been Remy's coffee when he's obviously been out here working out all morning?! Explain that!"

"But it was his! He took the cup from me!"

"Stop it already Cody! You're on thin ice around here and I don't care that you're Rogue's fiancé! Next time you pull a stunt like that, you're going in the danger room against Gambit!"

Hmm…way to intrigue t'is Cajun. Cody et moi, in de Danger Room? Oh hell oui! Excuse de French mais…I'd fuck him up.

Le ha! Le ha ha! --danger room Cajun gonna kill you laugh

Aft'r I finally got de much needed coffee, I went up front to get de mail, mais Rogue already had it in her hand. Imagine t'is cajun's surprise to find ma chère standing frozen in de hall, hand over her mouth, eyes wide while staring at the lett'rs in her hand.

Curious, I walk ov'r and instantly chuckle. Seems de postcards I sent de lizard had finally arrived. A week ago, I fly all over de US to mail de idiote quatre postcards from different zipcodes.

Pourquoi?

Merde, pourquoi pas? Do I really need a reason when it concerns lui?

De postcards were fake, but of course, mais t'ey put t'oughts in ma Cherie head:

-Homosexuals Living In the Closet

.com

-Sheep Lovers International Ltd

-Viagra Users Anonymous

Needless to say t'at ma amusee was cut short when I had to stop to catch her when she fainted. Right into de arms of de homme she should be avec.

xxx

Oh my--guess what journal?

Somebody set moi et Wolvie up pour de woo! Apparently, somebody t'ought it be funny to put some fake bullet holes in Scott's windshield et blame us. Earned us dix heures of Danger Room sessions!

Oh fuck my life!

When I find out who did t'is, t'ey gonna pay!

Brb, somebody calling moi…

Well journal, scratch t'at last t'reat. We found out who de culprit be. Storm. Oui, elle said elle just felt like doing sumt'ing 'naughty'. Well Madame, de next time vous wanna get 'naughty', warn somebody!

Anisi, de lizard calls himself 'getting back' at moi. Ha. Nev'r t'at. Mais I must say t'at his petit 'prank' did work in t'is cajun's favor.

Apparently de homo t'ought it would upset moi to give moi uh quart'r wit de words 'Love To Be Bayou'. Now pourqoui would uh homme give anoth'r homme sumt'ing like t'at? See why I call him homo? He damn well bet not 'Love to be by moi'. I'd blow his ass ta bits.

De good part about t'is was that ma chérie came in de room at t'at instant et tried ta turn heel et flee when she saw us. Funny, she been avoiding de homo since she got de mail. El oh el smiley face.

Being moi, I'm always up pour uh bon chase, so I followed suit. Catching her in de hall, I stopped her.

"I want to give vous t'is."

Whoa, had to dodge a punch directed at ma stomach. De vile femme t'ought I meant, 'give lui t'is', as in sum nasty hot sex. Well oui, t'at aussi, mais non. Just de quart'r pour now.

Grabbing her hand, I place de object in it…non, not t'at object eit'r. Zut alors, gotta get ma mind out de gutt'r!

Needless to say, ma chère adored ca. Even hugged moi. Real tight et sexual like. ::wags eyesbrows::

Oui, elle wants moi.

xxx

Everyone knows t'at having fresh breat' can make or break vous in t'is world. Hence, ma strained relationship avec Wolvie. De lizard est no different. Before I headed to ma chambre for a much needed nap, t'is cajun pulled une plus prank. T'en I was out.

Guess anot'er prank worked in ma favor, since not even 5 minutes later lat'r, ma chère showed up at ma door begging pour entry.

Told vous elle wanted moi.

Turns out t'at elle was on de run from de lizards pour deux reasons:

1: Elle was still shocked ov'r de postcards

2: De homme had de worst breat' ever (courtesy moi of course)

Yeah, I did it, I snuck de homo garlic candy. *dies laughing evilly*

Anisi, ma chere ended up taking a delightfully seductive nap avec moi.

Well not so much seductive, mais it was in ma mind. In ma mind, we were being… 'naughty'. I did however, wake up avec ma hands on t'em big ol breasts.

Yup! -- in ma Trey Songz voice

Hold on, bat'room break…………..

Beau est drunk again. De chat est drinkin a beer t'at Wolverine brought in pour him. Oui, when I came back from ma potty break, bot t'em fools was ici. Oh well.

So where was I? Oh, I woke up avec ma hands on t'em big ol breasts et guess what elle did?

Nope, not hit moi or cuss. Elle blushed et giggled. Awl! It was très cute!

xxx

Hey t'at homme uh snitch! He told on moi! He fucking told on moi. Ta who? De Professor! Mais, de Professor est on ma side. Muhahahahahahahahahaha ! --go fuck off laugh

Aft'r a nice long Danger Room session, t'is cajun was drained. Gatorade sounded bon.

Regardée? I actually do work round ici.

Imagine ma shock ta walk in de kitchen et find Stormy, Wolvie et Rogue staring at de lizard like he lost it. Mais…he had uh container in his hand clearly marked 'Remy'.

D'accord, rewind uh bit. A few days ago, Hank took samples of our fluids pour testing, mais his lab cooler broke down. While he waited ta get it repaired, which it has been by now, he had ta store t'em in de bottom drawer of de kitchen fridge. Apparently, he forgot ta take mine back ta de lab.

Drawing any conclusions ici yet?

De lizard was drinking ma pee. Ewwwwwww!

"Pourqoui vous drinking ma urine homme?"

He had already finished it ba t'en, mais he had uh mout' full. Uh mout' full he spit all ov'r Scott as he walked in.

T'at's all it took ta send everybody into hysterics. Eeeewwwww!!!!

Needless ta say, I got ma session avec de lizard all set up. T'is Cajun can't wait!

*See above ta see how bad I will mess him up*

-------Insert drawing of drunk chat ici------

Journal…Liquid Ass est uh very dangerous t'ing. One spray est like being sprayed ba uh skunk. De lizard however, was doused in it. Oui, Liquid Ass.

Liquid Ass est u a highly concentrated smell that smells exactly like de name says. Liquid Ass.

Iceman was not amused. Even in his ice form, he couldn't block de smell, so it must've been hell pour Wolvie. Gave uh whole new definition ta de word TEAMWORK.

TEAMWORK (adj) Being able ta come toget'er et kill off a t'reat in vous home t'at smells of Liquid Ass wit'out interference.

Non…we didn't really kill de idiote, mais almost. *sexy smirk*

Ahh…what's de day wit'out playing uh prank on one eye aussi? Oui, we got em.

Scott plays de lotto like c'est going out of style. Anisi, we got em uh fake winning ticket et put it in his pile. Mon Dieu, de homme spends like 50 bucks uh day on t'em t'ings.

Loser.

De best part was seeing him run around shouting t'at he had won 10 million dollars.

Non, de best part was when he started to tell everyone off, tellin us all to kiss his big round ass and live our stupid poor lives. Even told Jean ta suck it. T'is poor Cajun started ta laugh so hard when he called de Professor uh mind readin freak.

Oh…poor, poor Scott. Damn shame what we did ta t'at fool.

Cyke's been gone since t'en et Jean been crying her eyes out. De femme tried ta get Wolverine ta console her, *hint hint* mais he just ignored lui. When elle tried again, Stormy electrocuted lui. Not hard, mais hard enough ta make moi almost choke laughing.

Ah, good times, good times.

De highlight of ce soir came bout an hour ago when we got uh call from de lizard in jail.

Jail? Oh my. Whatever could have happened?

Couldn't have anyt'ing ta do avec t'at counterfeit money I planted on de homme….vrai?

--------Insert diabolical laugh ici---------

PS: Je suis dorme avec ma Cherie ce soir.

-RL


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